I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
