fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
