doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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