Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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