if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
