Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize