I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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