All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
