i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
false alarm. still invincible.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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