I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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