R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I want to make a zoo with you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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