I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
