I am puke
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
