Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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