I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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