I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
