When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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