Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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