you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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