The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
so much tequila, so little girl.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
