so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
