Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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