Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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