He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
