it was like eating out sand paper
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
