so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
