I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
