White coat. Heels.
I think I won the penis lottery.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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