I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
