Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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