I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
