Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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