you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
