Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize