So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
