I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Sober January is a disaster.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize