Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
