She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
