I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
