i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
