Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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