My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
