So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
