Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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