Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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