Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
