after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
