before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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