You're my little dorito
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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