your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
