Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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