Me too!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
