sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
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