My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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