dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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