I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
