Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Small penises have feelings too.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just high enough for therapy.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
