pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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