They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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