i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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