return my video game
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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