Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Pants are for mortals
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I came so hard my ears popped.
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