You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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