dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
