CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
